"you don't miss me, do you?"

I am this close to give up.

I find it difficult to
Relax in the summertime
With all the flowers in bloom
I creep across the countryside
With my net and my bait
And a pocketful of bailer twine

I break the promises I made
As I box up all the butterflies

I ruin
Everything
As I sit in a field of grass
In the spring
Listening
To the beat of its little heart
And to its wings
Struggling
For air under an upturned glass
And I put a pin
Through its wings

And I bottle it up,
I box it up,
And bury it in my heart

Just as I know my friends
I also know my enemies
Are the birds and the bees
And my own little insecurities

I creep around in the dark
And I tear up all the dandelions
And I break my own heart
As I box up all the butterflies

Tirelessly,
Following
Its tiny butterfly tracks
Across the field in the spring
With a plastic carrier bag

Full of fish,
Hooks, and string
I lay a little matchbox trap
And I put pin
Through its wings

And I bottle it up,
I box it up
And bury it in my heart

I folded up its furry wings
And opened up its little heart
It might sound stupid
But something about it made me want to pull it apart

And I bottle it up,
I box it up,
And bury it in my heart.


Hear it, and you'll understand.
I'm in this close to give up.
This close.

3.

I never thought It would be this far.
Tell me should I stop counting?

Happiness is an allegory.

"Being with 'him' I feel a pain, like a frozen knife stuck in my chest. An awful pain, but the funny thing is I'm thankful for it. It's like that frozen pain and my very existence are one. The pain is an anchor, mooring me 'here'."

— Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

once I see you from a far, you standing there.

times fly away. you still there and my ride goes fast.

now I see you still there. I'm not refused to go forward but I just love seeing you there, not too close, not too far.
and there's a light. light that makes you clear, makes me clearly see you.

Kat Dennings feels me.

Teenage Angst

oh, adolescene

being a teenage girl is close to one of the worst things ever.

i have a high sex drive, my emotions run wild at all times, im constantly self conscious, hungry, bored, fucked up and all around a mess.

you know?

-tumblr

i miss everyone in my life. i miss my friends so much but i can't go out and hanging out with'em because they're already have their own bussiness. i miss my free-hug bear, i miss him so bad. i can't meet him so i'm grumble, say and do stupid, inappropriate things and i hate the fact that i did that, fact that i can't do nothing. about the condition and surely about my self.
things slap my face hard and make me realize that i did wrong. i realize again, i ain't even a teenager anymore! so whats so wrong about me? its almost 3 years, na-ah i think i've been like this, like, forever.
i know i have a problem in managing my anger. i know i always blame my hormone. fvcking hormone! i know i am unstable. labile as fvck. but i'm willing to change! promise you i will, as long as you stay. so, please stay.

if i ask you what is this, would you tell me the truth?

rise and gloom

(˘_˘")