FWYTTLSE?

Waking up this morning as if nothing happened. Being less care to anything, anyone around, except my family. Turned on the TV then turned it off again, not in a plan for taking a bath or cutting my hair. If only there's someone asking me to go out, i'll decline.
Wall in my room seems knew what i feel this day. It's June 12th and doesn't have intention for doing anything. Open up my laptop and sees how life been so boring through all that social networking and stuff. I thought I should watch some movies, tho i've watch them all but i'm too lazy to donwnload or buying new films, i watch them twice. Here it goes my day ended up watching Norwegian Wood movie for second times. No I didn't watch Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind if you know what i mean, i watch it like thousand times, and again, today i feel heartless not in the mood for crying.
At the end of the night, reason why i feel so lazy and bored all day is, the date it self. Three and a half years. Minds keep speak over and over to the other part of mind and heart; tomorrow will be 13th, time's ticking, time's moving, you'll forget, it was just like another day, life goes on and you'll be fine.
Another part in mind, a small little part who still keep it said, how could i forget, he's my first in everything. That Libra-man is everything. Does he forget the reason he loves me before? Or he just want to forget it. But he knows i keep that memory in mind and so is he. Why he did this? I'm quite a sure he realized it.
Both are againts each other and says why you keep so much 'why' in your head? Isn't that clear that he wants to erase you and have a new life? Is that true? Why? Why he become person that I'm no longer know. Why he mad at me, why does he defend things he shouldn't. Or if that should be defended, why he has to mad at me that hard. It hurts me a lot, that he knows how much things and attention, feelings that i have for him, and he knows it, but he keep mad at me. Why he has to be that cruel? He knows he's cheating for took a shortes way to get happiness in life. He avoid the pain, that's not good. And he keep thinking, 'Why you should be that emotional?' No, I'm not, I remain cool right know. It was just I don't get it. It hurt me so bad that my perspective of life, love, dream, has changed. What about us being married? Rising childs, have a house at that mountain, have a cow farm, potatoes field. With all my beliefs, i believe we're on that way but he break it.

"Fatty, why you try to love someone else?"

This sadness way too over rated, everyone knew it and so am i. My friends keep saying that i should stop all of this miserable thing. Being miserable is uncool, while otherwise I have to remain cool. And they said he doesn't deserved it, but they never met 'the one' that'd made them do the same thing as i did. I didn't listen to my friends, and why should you?

And now, as I'm letting you go, I'm wishing you a happy life, I'll be fine. I'll find peace within myself. And the pain that i've collected someday will be diminish by the time and myself, not a person nor others.

Will you remember me as the one whose sitting next to you? Carrying you bunch of love, kisses and hugs? And as a person you grow up with? If you do that, I'll be glad.

And in the end, like what you said to me, Thank you and take care. :)



I'm officially close this chapter and open next page of my story book with less drama, peace, and promise you, I'll remain cool. :)
(Listening to this song over and over, cause it's relevant and legit)

"you don't miss me, do you?"

I am this close to give up.

I find it difficult to
Relax in the summertime
With all the flowers in bloom
I creep across the countryside
With my net and my bait
And a pocketful of bailer twine

I break the promises I made
As I box up all the butterflies

I ruin
Everything
As I sit in a field of grass
In the spring
Listening
To the beat of its little heart
And to its wings
Struggling
For air under an upturned glass
And I put a pin
Through its wings

And I bottle it up,
I box it up,
And bury it in my heart

Just as I know my friends
I also know my enemies
Are the birds and the bees
And my own little insecurities

I creep around in the dark
And I tear up all the dandelions
And I break my own heart
As I box up all the butterflies

Tirelessly,
Following
Its tiny butterfly tracks
Across the field in the spring
With a plastic carrier bag

Full of fish,
Hooks, and string
I lay a little matchbox trap
And I put pin
Through its wings

And I bottle it up,
I box it up
And bury it in my heart

I folded up its furry wings
And opened up its little heart
It might sound stupid
But something about it made me want to pull it apart

And I bottle it up,
I box it up,
And bury it in my heart.


Hear it, and you'll understand.
I'm in this close to give up.
This close.

3.

I never thought It would be this far.
Tell me should I stop counting?

Happiness is an allegory.

"Being with 'him' I feel a pain, like a frozen knife stuck in my chest. An awful pain, but the funny thing is I'm thankful for it. It's like that frozen pain and my very existence are one. The pain is an anchor, mooring me 'here'."

— Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

once I see you from a far, you standing there.

times fly away. you still there and my ride goes fast.

now I see you still there. I'm not refused to go forward but I just love seeing you there, not too close, not too far.
and there's a light. light that makes you clear, makes me clearly see you.

Kat Dennings feels me.

Teenage Angst

oh, adolescene

being a teenage girl is close to one of the worst things ever.

i have a high sex drive, my emotions run wild at all times, im constantly self conscious, hungry, bored, fucked up and all around a mess.

you know?

-tumblr

i miss everyone in my life. i miss my friends so much but i can't go out and hanging out with'em because they're already have their own bussiness. i miss my free-hug bear, i miss him so bad. i can't meet him so i'm grumble, say and do stupid, inappropriate things and i hate the fact that i did that, fact that i can't do nothing. about the condition and surely about my self.
things slap my face hard and make me realize that i did wrong. i realize again, i ain't even a teenager anymore! so whats so wrong about me? its almost 3 years, na-ah i think i've been like this, like, forever.
i know i have a problem in managing my anger. i know i always blame my hormone. fvcking hormone! i know i am unstable. labile as fvck. but i'm willing to change! promise you i will, as long as you stay. so, please stay.

if i ask you what is this, would you tell me the truth?

rise and gloom

(˘_˘")

5th yrs old innocent smile :)

i miss my lollipop, my garfield bag, my tweety pillow, tweety dress, tweety blanket, my 1994 sunshine, and my 5th yrs old innocent smile!

cute couple's broke my heart.

say that i am heart breaking right now. yes yes i did! they are two of my mood booster in the day and night. after the couple got engaged last year when Gibbard presented Deschanel with a three-carat diamond and platinum Neil Lane ring, yes they married guuuguguguys! as pitchfork reported: " DCFC frontman Ben Gibbard and actress/She&Him singer Zooey Deschanel, otherwise known as the cutest couple in all of indiedom, were married near Seattle on Saturday.."
aaaahhhh so lovely, so cute couple, i just wishes the best to their marriage, although i envy them, just good luck mr. and ms. gibbard! semoga menjadi keluarga yang sakinah, mawadah, warohmah. amiiin! :D

listening now:
death cab for cutie - i was once a loyal lover

write what you feel, it's already on your mind sweety

what about happiness, unhappinness, self-ego, fakeness, kindness, good, bad, hmm God what was all that had to be the purpose? does it has any purposes? or it was a destiny? intro in life?

love, life, and desperation.

is it true i have to go bad and do something badly if i want happiness. will i happy? what the definition of happy it self? all i see in the time i grown up, being a good person doesn't have any advantages. good person always give way to others. then they tricked, lied, being intimidated, hurted, left, and they'll cry, they'll think it was their fault, they'll forgive.

unfair.

this user is mad about

kenapa?

(via last.fm)

gatau.
:|

saya lebih suka

tempe daripada tahu.

all of a sudden, i miss everyone

senang sekali berjalan jalan dengan mereka! komposisi teman yg 'pas' buat backpackingan. :)

teman kampus memang paling. :'(

mbep, inong! huuu kangeun.. :'(

mira! she's the best of all! miss you so so, chan! :'(

listening now:
another sunny day - belle and sebastian

I BLAME YOU!

I BLAME YOU!
I BLAME YOU!
I BLAME YOU!
I BLAME YOU!
I BLAME YOU!
I BLAME YOU!
I BLAME YOU!
I BLAME YOU!
for all the dreams created,
I BLAME YOU!
I BLAME YOU!
I BLAME YOU!
I BLAME YOU!
I BLAME YOU!
..
.

old - new - i prefer old than new.

i prefer old facebook than new one.
masih jarang yg punya dan layout enak. gak ribet. gak norak.

i prefer old yahoo! messenger than new one.
pake ym gitu gitu aja. gak dicanggihin jg gak apa apa. buat apa.

i prefer old firefox than new one.
dulu tab nya kalo di drag bisa ngerefresh, sekarang malah ngeotomatisin open in a new window. kan males pindah window.

i prefer the old you than a new one.
:)

independence day's euphoria

banzaii! :D

lovely vivitar <3

bored with my daily routine. trus acakacak lemari, then i found this camera in my closet.

karena aslinya ini underwater camera (gift), jadi sy lepas aja cassing nya.
here i give you all hasil juprat jepretnya.
haha. sorry fellas, i'm newbie here. jadi harap maklum. :D

jreng jreng

haha.


listening now:
rachael yamagata - i want you